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Ahh... what would the world be without babies? Well, it would be at least 2% better.
The Hollowood stereotype of a happy family with a baby is a classic, and has fooled everyone for ages. There's a social stigma about disliking babies. You are not supposed to say you don't like them, because it's taboo. This is most unfortunate, because a lot of people find the very idea of an infant utterly repulsive, but they often choose to hide their true feelings out of fear of what others may think.
"I hate it when I see some lame couple walking down the street, pushing a baby in a stroller. Just once I'd like to run up to them, grab the baby by it's feet, and smash it's head against the curb as hard as I could. The look on their faces would almost be worth the prison time. Same goes for people who have a baby seat mounted on the back of their ten-speeds. It would bring me such joy to hit them with my car. The exact moment when the baby's head strikes the pavement would be like the punchline of a really funny joke."
See, this is why the internet is great. It's one of the only outlets where people can still be honest and express how they really feel. It is actually thanks to the internet that we can learn just how much babies are ruining people's lives, because online there's no pressure to sugarcoat the truth. The revelation I'm about to uncover may be considered either shocking or refreshing depending on what you already know.
Babies are ugly
Don't you hate it when everyone gathers around a baby and they all say "Oh, how cute!" This whole 'babies are cute' mentality is most likely just another form of political correctness, because they are uglier and more revolting than spiders. I'd actually sooner consider petting a tarantula than an infant. Newborn babies don't look anything like a spider of course, they more resemble old men, worms, or aliens. They are fat, wrinkled, butt-ugly things. Don't get me wrong, I think kittens and puppies are adorable. But babies? They're nasty. They are dumb, make stupid sounds, and they are ridiculously filthy.
How can anyone say otherwise? It's all self-deception, and no one has the guts to speak the truth. A mother with a newborn baby is typically flying on cloud nine, blinded by the joy of her newborn child. When parents are so euphoric, nothing will kick them out of their drugged-like state of joyfulness. However, after this period is over they will soon learn the hard way of the horrors of taking care of a baby. When they spend all of their free time cleaning, feeding, buying baby products and trying to calm the baby down, they can enjoy 15 minutes of sleep at the end of the day. The rest of the night is spent lying awake, listening to the bawling of their infant, or their futile attempts to make the baby quiet. This is the next stage of parenthood, which is where a psychological defense mechanism makes overtime: denial. Denial of the agony, the sacrifices, and the loss of your free time; your money; your health, and your happiness. The sufferers, AKA the 'happy parents', must fool themselves to believe that it's all worth it, otherwise they will lose their mind for sure. This self-deception grows so strong that the parents will begin to think backwards and in a highly unrealistic, almost dream-like state of mind. They go into this phase of mental delusion where they imagine that their baby is beautiful, when it's actually ugly as a troll.
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This is what parents see when they look at their baby.
A rather ugly specimen, for sure. Still, perhaps you have succumbed to social conditioning and looking at this picture only makes you think "Oh, but this ain't so bad, babies look kind of nice." Well, then I've got a surprise for you. It's fake; you are looking at a photoshopped image. Real babies look more like bloated puss-filled worms that crawled out of a dark slimy hole. Wanna see how this baby looks without photoshop enhancements?
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Not so cute now, huh? Sorry if this triggers your barf reflex, but I need to get the point across. But imagine if you are the owner of such a such a vile creature, and still your friends are all like "he/she looks so cute!" Obviously they are so full of crap. They too have been blinded by the mental illness that makes you view the infant through pink goggles, so they will try to be overly positive and complementary, or simply lie and say that the baby is pretty when it's obviously an unsightly gnome. It's a disease!
And if that wasn't bad enough, many modern parents post a truckload of pictures of their ugly babies online, so they gross out anyone who isn't delusional as well. Some even photoshop the images before uploading, thus explaining the falsehood that there is such a thing as a pretty baby.
Luckily, for this last particular problem there is a solution. A man with a good heart made a convinient plug-in to block these ghastly images and their fake counterparts and replaces them with something more appealing, like kittens and puppies. This plugin is called unbaby.me. Install it ASAP, it may save your life one day.
Cover your ears
<A target="_blank" a href="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... jpeg"><img src="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... fe521.jpeg" height="200" border="0" hspace="10" vspace="10" align="right"></a>There is no denying what is probably the most offensive feature of an infant: the crying and wailing. That horrible, horrible screaming. If I just see a baby sitting somewhere, I don't really mind. But when it starts to cry, I feel like taking a sledgehammer and violently smashing it to death.
The noise of crying babies is consistently rated as one of the most annoying sounds in the world. Some researchers think babies cry intentionally annoying. And a lot of researchers also think babies do it just to get attention. So now you know what it means when a baby cries. Basically, that wailing can be translated as: "Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Give me want I want! Nooooowwww!"
...yup. Rather than fulfilling the demands of these manipulative blubbermidgets, you should correct this behavior instead. With a shock collar for example. Especially one that automatically activates when the sound goes over a certain decibel level.
The undeniable fact of the matter is babies are extremely noisy. Typically their crying is somewhere between 100-130 decibels, rivaling the loudness of a yet-fighter. I mean really... WHAT THE HELL?! That is far above the safe threshold. Babies cry so loud, they actually cause ear-damage to other people and themselves.
If that doesn't give away that people are far too tolerant of the crying of babies, nothing will. Also, it proofs that babies are dysfunctional, self-destructive life forms.
It's astonishing how there are no products on the market that allow you to conveniently cover the mouth of a baby. Perhaps even more unbelievable is the fact that apartments don't need to be soundproof from their screaming, or at least that someone with a baby should be obligated to make or buy a soundproof box to put them in so they don't cause any disturbance.
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This needs to become a mainstream product ASAP</div>
There are useless products like this facial flex on the market but there is no product like some sort of silencing muzzle for babies? Seriously...
I think whenever any mother or father with a baby goes into a shop, theater, or any other public place, the usage of such a muzzle should be mandatory. So why hasn't this happened yet? I know why. Because it's considered 'inhumane'. Blah! Well, parents could also make-shift their own solution. I'd say any parent that goes into public with their baby should take a roll of duct tape with them so they can tape off their child's mouth when need to. The only problem is, there's a good chance somebody will inform child services and they'll take your baby away, because apparently that is bad parenting. They call these sort of resourceful solutions inhumane and cruel.
<A target="_blank" a href="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... .jpg"><img src="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... 31cabc.jpg" height="200" border="0" hspace="10" vspace="10" align="right"></a>Which is bullshit. It's inhumane and cruel to have to endure the horrible screams of a loud, obnoxious baby as well. But to most everyone babies are like saints. Whatever bad things may happen to adults, it's always worse when it happens to a baby, because they are innocent, precious little creatures.... except that they are ugly, fat, annoying, dumb, filthy, and they suck the life energy from their parents like a demonic souleating monster.
Although a screaming baby on itself is already very annoying outside, it's the worst on a bus, train or airplane, because then you've got nowhere to escape the agonizing crying.
Here's an example. On an airplane trip, a whore of a mother tells her fellow passengers to wear earplugs if they're bothered with her horrible screaming baby. She claims to have tried everything to shut up her offspring. But she is lying. Did she ever tried stuffing a sock in the baby's mouth and taping it off with duct tape? Did she ever thought about using chloroform to put it to sleep? Has she considered to request sound-proof boxes for public transport and airplanes to deal with these kind of situations? No, no and no. And for that reason, these kind of people should have a set of only two choices: don't take your infant with you, or make it quiet at any cost, otherwise you and your stinking baby will be kicked off, and you'll get reported for public disturbance. There is no reason why people shouldn't demand crying babies in public to be outlawed.
Evolution, where are you?
Just think about it. Isn't it strange how no one really seems to be aware of the fact that only human babies make such an extremely loud racket when they cry? There really isn't any kind of animal baby that does this.
Ask yourself: if it requires a baby to scream loud enough that it gives you ear damage before you do something to help it, what does that say about the way parents have acted throughout the ages? Answer: it suggests they have been rather careless. So this means babies cry like a pig because we ALLOWED them to. Had we not tolerated for them to scream at the top of their lungs -- i.e. had we killed those that cry a lot -- we wouldn't have to endure their bawling today. This speaks volumes about the disgusting tolerance of parents (and anyone else for that matter) for all the wrong things, and their indifference for what is important.
<A target="_blank" a href="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... .jpg"><img src="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... a490d3.jpg" height="150" border="0" hspace="10" vspace="10" align="left"></a><A target="_blank" a href="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... .jpg"><img src="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... eb2eb5.jpg" height="150" border="0" hspace="10" vspace="10" align="right"></a>Besides mutilating your ears, babies are extremely gross. If they aren't cleaned every half hour, they'll be covered in their own shit, piss, snot, drool and vomit in no time. It's extremely filthy. Of course you cannot expect manners from babies, but you can conclude that the reason why they are so disgusting is because of bad parenting. Mothers cleaned and helped them too much, and now they have devolved into lazy, filthy factories of bodily fluids. They drool uncontrollably, shit all over your walls and they piss in your face. No, there is nothing normal about that, contrary to what we were taught to believe. Animal babies don't drool non-stop. And they instinctively bend over and keep their mouth down when they throw up(which they don't do nearly as often because it's VERY UNHEALTHY). Their nose does not leak like a broken faucet 24/7. Also, when they defecate or urinate they don't soil themselves.
The fact of the matter is no animal baby is so dependent on its parents, or so slow to develop compared to a human baby. Kittens and puppies are housebroke within weeks. Usually you can expect them to walk within days or hours. Antelopes or gazelles can walk instantly, and are able to run after a few hours. With human babies that takes two or three years, sometimes even more.
If you start to think about it, it really is absurd how long babies stay vulnerable and completely useless. The amount of time and effort required to make a baby somewhat independent transcends far beyond reasonable and realistic boundaries. We cannot deem ourselves as human beings superior to animals if they manage to develop and mature so much faster.
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Babies are at the bottom of the food chain</div>
Babies are not worth it
You have probably been in the same kind of situation before. When you're visiting a friend or kin who have their newborn baby lying in a crib, the parents seem to expect you to fawn over and look at their hellspawn like you're really interested. I'd rather look at a blank wall. Babies are just too unappealing to look directly at. Their head is too large, and their limbs too small. They are wrinkled and too fat. They just look vulgar. With that in mind, the only time I would enjoy looking at one is when I'm allowed to punch it.
I mean, imagine the horror when you're visiting friends or acquaintances with a newborn child, and they ask you if you want to hold their baby. Gross. I guess there's only thing to do in that kind of situation. Saying 'no' is impolite, so even if you hate babies to death, you have to consider the potential consequences like losing your friends' or family's respect.
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Potential escape plan?</div>
It is not uncommon to encounter couples with a newborn baby who are full of themselves and have this air of superiority over them, who think they are so much better than you just because they have a baby. They are the biggest problem and the primary source of the baby madness we have to endure whenever a bloated woman squeezed out another screaming, revolting worm from her birth canal. I'd almost want to lobby for a hospital that is specialized in pushing the babies back to where they came from. It's that bad. Anything to prevent another lost generation.
These kind of mom's and dad's are known as self-important parents:
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And then there are adults who make the whole baby-scene even worse.
You know these assholes who make dumb faces and make retarded sounds such as "coochie coochie coo!" as if they actually are retarded for the baby's entertainment? They are also a big contributor to the baby hype. Babies are bad enough on their own, the last thing we need is for anyone to add to the insanity. But it gets even worse when these shitheads tard out around sucklings.
It's assholes like them, as well as self-serving parents, who spread myths like "having a baby is the greatest thing to ever happen to you" and "you don't know love until you had a baby" or "you're not a valid person until you had a child". These sort of lies cause major trauma's to parents and kids, because people have children expecting it to be a heavenly experience full of love and roses. In reality it is hell on earth for most parents. Having a child is one of the most demanding things in existence, and unless you are fully and totally committed to it, you will hate your life, and forever regret the choice you made. It is for this reason that these idiots need to be told that nine out of ten parents hate their kids and vice versa, and that parenthood is not for everyone. In fact, it is something very few people are cut out for. Punch these dickheads in the face if you must, they need to piss off.
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I've changed my mind; playing with babies can be fun!</div>
<A target="_blank" a href="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... .png"><img src="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... 5910ad.png" height="200" border="0" hspace="10" vspace="10" align="right"></a>Although it may seem as if a majority likes babies and finds them cute, that may not be entirely true. Perhaps that is just another social construct. Maybe it's similar to the indoctrinated belief that paying taxes is a good thing or that voting on political parties makes the world a better place.
But one thing is for sure: a lot of people -- even if they're a minority -- don't like babies. And they often feel the pressure of society to conform and pretend to like them anyway. Because if they don't, their friends will be like: "What is wrong with you?"
But there is nothing wrong with you just because you don't find babies interesting or cute. Because frankly, they're not. It's actually rather abnormal to like babies, because there really isn't anything to like about them. They have no redeeming qualities at all. They are extremely selfish and filthy, they stink, they make stupid sounds and they're annoying. They don't do anything useful, all they really are is a burden, and a rather heavy one. Which brings me to my next point...
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Coochie Coochie Coo! Here little baby, I've got a nice cobra for you to play with!</div>
Thinking of having a baby? Think again
Maybe you've considered having a baby once. Maybe you're thinking about it now. If so, maybe you should ask yourself if you really wish to raise a child in this horribly fucked-up world? You don't actually want to do that, do you?
Even if you are psychopathic and careless enough to do it anyway, a few issues may stand in the way of your choice.
- <A target="_blank" a href="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... .jpg"><img src="http://i1288.photobucket.com/albums/b49 ... 9093d2.jpg" height="350" border="0" hspace="10" vspace="10" align="right"></a>First of all keep in mind a pregnant woman is very repulsive, and among the least attractive things in the world for any man. So if you like how you look, you don't want to get pregnant. Ever. A woman's body changes during and after pregnancy. If you like saggy boobs, fatness, an overstretched vagina that will never satisfy your sex life anymore, as well as looking 20+ years older with wrinkles in your face and bags under your eyes, pregnancy is what you want. Otherwise give up on the idea now, because these changes are permanent.
- Take a guess how much time it takes to raise a baby? All. Yes, that's right. No more free time. No more time for yourself. No more time for things YOU like. All your attention will have to be devoted to your baby. It will take all your energy too, so be prepared to be constrained, very tired, and cranky on top.
- It is the most responsible job in world. And the prospects are bad, as you've got a very high chance of ruining it.
- Do you like sleep? You might not know it, but you'll discover just how much you like to sleep when you have a baby, because then you won't get any. You will turn into a zombie with no energy. Because you already have to devote all your free time to the baby, you'll be even more tired compared to when you would normally be missing out on sleep. So better get used to the idea of going through life as a half-dead zombie.
- And then there's the cost. Typically the first two years cost somewhere between 10-20k. The total cost up to age 18, on average, is over 200k. Imagine paying that and getting two decades of suffering in return.
- Most parents also have to come to terms with the fact that they will age much faster than child-free people, as the tremendous stress takes its toll on the body.
A daughter or son you resent with a passion, and he or she will probably dislike you even more in return. And this tragedy is sadly quite common nowadays.
You may be wondering if anything can't be done about it? Well yes, there is something you could do right now if you're pregnant: take an abortion. Just do yourself, your soon-to-be-dead baby, and the whole world a favor and stop the drama before it even takes place. Can't afford an abortion? Let your husband or friend punch you in the gut really hard. It will probably be quite messy and painful, but it pales compared to the filth and pain you'd have to endure if you decide to keep it.
If you just recently got a kid or squeezed out a wailing fat baby, and you're thinking "Oh no! I'm too late!" Don't worry: doctors are agreeing that killing newborn infants is OK since they are less than human. Yay!
Anyone want some baby powder?