My Adventures With a Mildly Psychotic Girlfriend

Do you linger on my every word like a lovesick schoolgirl? Or would you like to take a rusty ice pick to my jugular to make me shut the hell up? For, or against? Point, counterpoint? Discuss.

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My Adventures With a Mildly Psychotic Girlfriend

Post by Jackie » Wed Jun 20, 2012 8:38 am

Well guys, I've been going through some strange times lately. I've been hanging out with a girl the last two months. And not just any girl. No, this was one of a kind.

I met her at a place where I'm doing some temporary work. The first time we talked she just wanted to know the usual stuff: what I was doing there, my education, if I was enjoying the work, etc. I learned she was a little older than me. I was most surprised to hear her say ''You're a smart guy, but I'm just dumb''.

''I'm sure you are'' I thought, but it's pretty unique for anyone to admit their stupidity.

Anyway, a few days later during lunch break she sat down with me and told me I was a really nice guy. She got that impression during our first little chat. I could not believe what I was hearing. Regardless, I just let her talk, since she rather seemed to enjoy to have someone listen to her.

Maybe one or two days later she asked where I lived, and it turned out her place was right on my route to home. In fact, it was just 5 minutes from my place. So she asked if it was okay if she joined me. I had no problem with that. From that point on we'd cycle back home together almost every day.

It's a decent looking girl, a little small, but otherwise not bad. Unfortunately, she had a fat belly. And her legs where too thick. That was the only thing that tainted her appearance, as far as I was concerned.

Anyway, the one thing that stood out for me was her honesty, her tendency to say what she thinks unfiltered. And she talked a lot. Me, on the other hand, I'm not the most talkative guy. I usually observe people for a little while before deciding if and how I should talk to them.

But she didn't really seemed to care. It was after a few weeks that we decided we might as well hang out every once in a while. We first wanted to go to the movie theater. It didn't actually got that far because things kept getting in between with her appointments and her girlfriends or whatever.

The next day she rang on my doorbell. She just decided to drop by out of the blue, and I was surprised she managed to find my place (although I did told her my address once), and asked me what we should be doing. She invited me over to her place later that night so we could discuss our plan of action, and maybe go on a date.

It didn't actually happen. She had one of her friends over, and I must say, the only thing I still remember of her friend is that she has a really annoying laugh. Ugh.

From that point on things accelerated. She called on a regular basis. Soon she called me every day.

Her: 'You wanna come over to my place?''

Me: ''Sure.''

Hey, I'm not gonna lie, she's a nice girl. I liked being in her company. We watched TV together, walked the dog, made 3d cards... (don't ask)

I was having a good time, it's nice to have a change of lifestyle, even if it takes some getting used to.

Also she kept telling me how she really liked me. That I was such a sweet guy. Yes, she said we may really have a relationship one day soon. Since she's the first girlfriend I ever had, that thought gave me a weird feeling. But I was definitely willing to give it a try. According to her, if we take things slowly we could grow really close and may become happy together. Maybe after a year or so we would really know each other well enough to see if we would match. I completely agreed. People grow closer as the spend more time together, and that's normally how relationships begin. I was long glad she understood this basic principle of social behavior.

She often reminded me what I meant to her. She even gave me two letters in which she told me how much she cared about me.

Then, one day she asked me how we are going to continue this thing. She wanted to know eventually what it's gonna be: are we going to have a relationship or not? Or just stay friends?

Her: ''I don't intend to hang out with you forever to find out what you want. So what will it be? What do you think about this?''

This didn't make a whole lot of sense. She had told me that it's probably best to take things slow, get to know each other for a year or so, and then we both know where we stand. And I totally agreed with her. But now on the sudden she wants to know if we're going to stay friends or become partners.

Luckily I quickly realized what was going on: some time before she told me about her 'mood swings'. One moment she can totally change what she thinks, and she also said something about her tendency to be really dominant.

So I just said:

''You're not making any sense. We discussed this before many times, we should take things slowly to find out if we can eventually have a romantic relationship.'' We were only hanging out for about two-three weeks by this time. I said she has the tendency to change her mind constantly, which is exactly what happened when she asked me this strange question. I had actually already noticed she doesn't really know what she wants sometimes. Even that very day, in fact.

And poof. She said I was right. ''Yeah, I have that habit. It really annoys the hell out of me.''

I mostly though it was funny. At least, I did back then. But not for long.

It was the week after that when she had another mood swing. When we were walking with the dog, she said ''Once we get back, I need to talk to you about something.''

''What could this be?'' I thought. Well......

Her: ''How are we going to continue our relationship? Are we going to stay friends or is it really going to get serious one day?''

What? We discussed this last week?! Has she forgotten this already? So I did what I did last time: I said "You're not making sense, woman, we agreed that we cannot spontaneously decide something so significant when we hardly know each other.'' Or as she put it in her own words: ''We don't decide to have a relationship just like that, we're not 16 anymore. We grow closer over a longer period of time and then we know if we match together and really like each other enough. That's what I think.''

Her mood swing was quickly over yet again. But that didn't make it any less bizarre.

Honestly, I really missed some of the things I could do at my own leisure at home at this point. I had no time left for myself. I was spending every evening, every day of the week with her. So I told her that I needed to have some time for myself every one in a while. She said ''Okay, no problem. My friends were complaining that I wasn't spending any time with them anymore anyway.''

Well, good, I thought, hang out with your friends for a bit, have a good time. We did not see each other for a couple of days, and I rather liked it. Make no mistake, I still enjoyed being with her. But it was a little too much. She may not need time for herself, but most people do, and so do I. But we did meet up again last Saturday. Yes, this past Saturday. I will never forget that day.

Guess what the girl said?

Her: ''So what's the deal? Just stay friends or a relationship?''

I was getting annoyed. I just didn't felt like explaining the same stuff again. So I just didn't say anything, and waited to see what would happen.

Her: ''I'm still waiting for an answer, mister.''

Shit. I was hoping she snapped out of it on her own. But she's still stuck in 'unpredictability mode'. So I said the same thing yet again:

Me: ''You're not making any sense.''

This time that struck the wrong chord with her.

Her: ''Why will you not have a relationship with me? Is it because I am too fat? If that's it, just say so, I won't be mad over it. But then at least I know what the problem is.'' (in the beginning she asked me if I thought she was too fat. I said ''Yes, a little''. She showed me pictures of herself when she was a few years younger, and she looked simply amazing there, I would almost say she was beautiful)

Yes, that day she talked a lot about fatness. Fat people. Kids being too fat these days. Her figure. My figure. Later I would remember she brought up this subject a lot of times. And perhaps most importantly, she admitted it is a touchy subject for her. ''My figure is making me sad. But I told myself really hard not to cry in your presence when I asked you if I'm too fat.''

Her fatness was more of an issue to her than I thought.

She tried to go on a diet after we discussed her fatness, but she didn't last long. She tried to go from snacking all the time to a conservative three healthy meals and drinking three liters of water every day.

Back to last Saturday:

Her: ''I'm a sweet tooth, and I don't intend to leave all the good stuff just to be with you.''

Me: ''Like you have to leave everything? You just need plenty of exercise and a healthy diet.''

Her: ''You would tell me to leave the chips, that I can't have 'em because it will make me fat''.

Me: ''That's bullshit...''

Last week she was making dinner.

Me: ''It smells brunt in here.''

Her. ''Yeah, I need to clean the stove. That's what you're smelling.''

But last Saturday she said:

Her: ''You think I don't know what guys mean when they say it smells burnt when I'm cooking? They mean I shouldn't eat so much because it makes me fat.''

Me: ''...........''

I had no idea what to say. That was such incredible nonsensical illogic bullshit reasoning, there was no way I could come up with an appropriate comeback.

She also kept saying that ''fatness is inherited''.

Her: ''No matter what I'll do, I'll never be thin like you.''

Me: ''That's only because you don't want to be. I you really want it, you can become thin too.''

She denied it, and I kept telling her that it was a load of bullshit, that she doesn't know a thing about this stuff, but at that point she got rather pissed. I was not planning to tell her she's right when she got it completely wrong, but this in turn only made her more angry.

''I'll never be like my friend, she is super slim, and I don't think that's attractive. She doesn't even have breasts.''

Now, her friend, who I've met once, was actually quite good-looking. A much better figure than her. A teeny tiny bit too skinny perhaps, but that's way better than a ugly, fat tummy like my girl has. I got the feeling she has a really wrong idea about what a good figure looks like.

I tried to pry in her head a little bit, to find out what her line of thought was like, and asked:

Me: ''Do you think murderous intent is genetic?''

Her: ''*Sigh* come on boy, that's completely different!''

She's right. Two completely different things. But there is a similarity. Some folks believe everything is genetic. She is not one of these people.

Instead, she's making excuses to not lose weight. Her weight is a serious issue for her, it's one of her many personal problems. She doesn't have the willpower to do something about it, but she doesn't want to be fat either. She's stuck between two walls. As far as I can tell she appears to make up excuses to stay fat, and she even fools herself into thinking that being slim is ''unattractive''.

Her: ''You know, this isn't working. We should just stay friends, and forget about a relationship. If it's already like this when we're friends, it's only going to get worse when we're closer.''

I was keeping my mouth shut. She was rambling.

Her: "Do you think you can use me a plaything? I'M the boss in my house!''

I mean, what can one say to that? She feels threatened in her authority because I disagreed with her opinion? Christ.

Her: ''After telling me you need some time for yourself, I started thinking. You don't want me because I'm fat, right?''

I told her again she was talking nonsense.

Her: ''I really can't take it when you talk to me like that!''

Me: ''You said you wanted me to be honest with you.''

Actually she wants the exact opposite.

Her: ''If you can't make up your mind what you want with me, that's fine, there's over 20 guys who do want me and will accept me how I am.''

That was a petty lie. She was digging a hole for herself, deeper and deeper. One week before I had asked her how many guys she dated in her life. A total of two. She dated one guy for two weeks, and another guy who lasted half a year. How did she managed the latter? The guy she dated practically never talked. He would not go against her in one of her manic moods. Which kind of reveals just how meaningful this 'relationship' must have been.

A voice from afar echoes: ''I'm a really dominant person''

This woman, this child, has serious personal issues. And while she mentioned most if not of all her issues in the beginning, and kept repeating and telling me it's better to just stay friends for that reason alone, I thought little of it.

But she was right. Well, she's not exactly what you call a 'normal' person. When walking the dog together, if she sees or hears those guys who typically cause trouble and hang around in public places at night, she gets scared and tells me to ''Walk faster, I'm frightened'' even when they're half a mile away. She does admit she is is a scaredy-cat.

She also forgets her keys a lot. I really mean a lot. She also keeps checking if she locked the door three times or so before going to sleep. She actually had to come over to my place for dinner once when she lost the keys to her locker, in which she kept her bag with all her other keys so she couldn't get in her house anymore.

She has given her dog a nickname so strange I can't even pronounce it. It sounds like it's from a fictional language.

One time, when walking the dog, (she has the nasty tendency to walk in unsafe places, like on the street when there's a pavement next to it, or right on the outside border of a grass field next to the street where cars race by) I once asked her if she isn't afraid that her dog will be squashed one day. ''No, I keep the leash tight.''

Two weeks ago, while walking through the park over a path where people on bicycles come from behind us, just barely missing her dog, she scolds her pet, ''You can't do that, that's dangerous, you idiot!'' She was not keeping the leash tight. I wouldn't be surprised if she expects her dog to obey traffic rules.

Now, I don't hang out with girls, so I don't have anything to compare to, but I'm pretty sure this is not normal.

All of her friends have issues too. One of them is anorexic, and always broke. The other one, the one with the ''unattractively slim body'', has certain tics where she twists her hands and fingers. And she sometimes keep her head hanging like an eternal loser while shuffling behind us.

One other of her girlfriends has had over a million failed relationships, and now moved in with a guy she knows barely two months, but they're already planning to get married and have kids.

The last of her girlfriends, who I saw in the very beginning, the one with the terrifying laugh, I knew little about. But she's a problem child too. I know because every time my former girlfriend puts something on facebook her friend thinks it's about her, which makes the two girls have an argument. Every single time.

As for the aftermath, last Monday the girl and I cycled back home together as usual, but first she asked me if I still wanted to have her join me. I didn't really felt like talking about what happened on Saturday eve. And she was unusually quiet. She first had her friend on the phone about the facebook issue I mentioned earlier. After hanging up, she said:

Her: ''My friend tends to think too much about some things, and gets all sorts of weird ideas in her head''.

Me: ''Now what does that remind us of?''

Her: ''What does that remind us of....?''

Me: ''Don't think about it. Just.... don't think about it.''

She didn't had a clue. She's not the quickest.

At a certain point she asked:

Her: ''Am I going slowly?''

(people kept passing us by)

Me: ''Rather, yes.''

Her: ''That's because I'm fat.''

What could I have said? I was baffled once again.

Yesterday on the way back home she was looking at me, and asked:

Her: ''What are you thinking about?''

Me: ''I wonder if you are aware of your mood swings.''

Her: ''......I have mood swings?''

Me: ''Rather, yes.''

Her: ''Yeah, then I would have to see a psychiatrist.''

She could have taken it worse, right? Well, a few moments later:

Her: ''I do not have mood swings. I'm not letting you talk me into having things I don't have. I know very well what I do and don't have. I'm not asking you if you're anorexic, do I?''

I was already afraid of this. Not only are her mood swings more easily triggered than before, she doesn't even know what I'm talking about, even though she admitted that her strange moods is one of her main problems. She told me multiple times, in fact.

I changed the subject, but a little while later she came back to what I said;

Her: ''Well, according to you I'm ready for the shrink, right?''

She rambled a little more.

Her: ''What the hell are you thinking... I do not have mood swings. I'm not 16 anymore.''

Me: ''Your age has nothing to do with it.''

She mumbled something about her being a mature, grown women and me being an ignorant boy, and we parted without saying goodbye.

While she said she wanted to stay friends past Saturday, I'm seriously doubting it. Once someone says something she doesn't like or she doesn't agree with, she goes into a mental mode where she gets really weird ideas in her head, and she'll become angry and 'dominant' as she puts it. But really she just becomes childish. You can't reason with her when she's like that.

It's a shame, because she can be a sweet girl. What she needs is a serious slap in the face, but sadly this is the type of person who does not learn from her mistakes. I would be willing to help her, but she's not open for it. I can't really help someone who denies their own problems.
Last edited by Jackie on Wed Jun 20, 2012 4:09 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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Post by Jackie » Wed Jun 20, 2012 8:39 am

So if anyone was wondering why I haven't posted for so long, now you know.

Should I have left out the word 'mildly' in the title?

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Post by Venomous » Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:55 pm

Oh. My. God. That story was EPIC!! I'm high and a little tipsy and I just read it from start to finish. That's like the craziest story that's ever been posted here. PLEASE let me make it a front page article!! Seriously...
- Venomous -

The internet is a tool, and so are most of the people who use it...

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Post by Jackie » Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:47 pm

You really think this is worthy of the front page? If you're okay with it, then so am I. Why not?

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Post by Jackie » Mon May 27, 2013 10:12 pm

In what seems like a satanic twist of fate, it wasn't long after this incident that my sister in law also had an insane tantrum you'd only except to see from a psychotic person. Thanks to this manic mood-swing I have not seen my brother, her, or their kids in nearly a year. I'm starting to think I'll never see them again.

Also, the place I am currently working has one girl who has a similar issue, albeit less extreme. She is easily agitated and takes her frustration out on other people. Normally that's not a problem, but here's the catch; she is in charge whenever the boss is not around. And she tends to threaten people with remarks like ''keep in mind that I can fire you, even if you're a volunteer'' and ''you will listen to me, or I will report your disobedience to the boss'' and “I want you to clean the toilets. Now.''

The difficult thing is, I've noticed she tends to be extremely sarcastic. BUT, she is also easily irritable, and she is in fact most of the time cranky. It is as if she emits an aura of negativity. I cannot possibly imagine how she looks like when she is happy. Every smile I've seen her make was clearly not genuine. This makes it hard to tell when she's messing around or being serious, because her sarcastic sneers, manipulative humor, and feigned crankiness are as good as indistinguishable from her many manic moods.

To give you guys a bit of an idea how these mood swing are like, I've found a clip that demonstrates it perfectly.
Not long ago I saw a movie called Anger management, with Jack Nickelson and Adam Sandler. I've seen it before many years ago, and there's one scene I distinctly remember. Adam found a date at the bar, and the two of them went home. Before he realized it, the woman stripped down her clothes. When Adam says this is going a little too fast, the woman explodes.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

When I was a kid I thought it was utterly ridiculous. I was offended and disgusted because I knew deep down that it was totally fake and these things never happen in real life.

Well. Now I know that I was wrong and nutcases are much more abundant than I ever could have imagined. I have encountered three, that's right three women lately that are just as donkey shit insane as this.

So, is anger management a typical problem for women or is this just a funny coincidence?

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Post by Tyranny » Fri Dec 06, 2013 1:19 pm

okay. girl's deeply troubled. she's fishing for a response to see if you care. roundabout way to go about it, but there it is. girls don't actually know how to talk to guys. the fact it's taking so long on the relationship side of things makes her think you don't want to be around her, etc, so she'll say just about anything to get the sentimental response. going about it *entirely* the wrong way. she's the perfect candidate for the passive-aggressive cum obsessive co-dependent nightmare your mother never warned you about. she's prolly perfectly lovely when she's logical. one thing about that is the emotions tend to get left by the wayside and when they are feeling from the heart instead of thinking from the head, they don't know what they're doing.

she's afraid of being emotional and is fishing for validation however she can get it. she needs to do some serious introspection and mainly just shut the fuck up until she's got her head on right. she's extremely reactive due to a non-existent self-esteem which she will only discover once she accepts who she is and how she is. that and she's another little girl who watched fucking Disney movies and grew up believing that you need to be a damsel in distress to get your Prince Charming.

Fuck. That. Shit.

been there, done that. was her. NOT going back.

best you don't either until she sorts herself out.

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