Gas money Vs. Windshield whiper

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AlarmedBread

Gas money Vs. Windshield whiper

Post by AlarmedBread » Mon Feb 06, 2006 2:09 am

Well, as this is my first post here, you will require certain backround information to put these events into some kind of context.

*note if you are offended by racial slurs (aka. humour) then stop reading now. We talk shit about eachother for no good reason.

About the group of idiiots-
Anthony - Smelly, French bastard (he seriously doesnt wear deoderant)

Bronson - Yet another smelly French bastard, Anthony's brother, the events of this night revolve around thier mothers vehicle.

Andre - the Mexican of the group (ok so he's actually Native American, and it really pisses him off when you call him Mexican, thats why we do it) this kid steals shit just for fun.

Chris - Thats me, I'm the tall kid, we dont know exactly where i came from, so i'm exempt from the racial profiling thing.

OK, so now that we've all be introduced, on with it already!


The night started out with good intentions, we were going to meet up and go ride BMX in the 15degree weather. So Anthony and Bronson load up the ride, a Ford Festiva, below is what it looks like, just so you have a good idea
http://www.ainsworthmotors.com.au/image ... %20RED.jpg

So they call me up, I come over and while loading up my bike (yes, we fit 4 guys and 4 bikes into that little POS) Thier mother comes out and says she wants a new windshield whiper because the left one on the car isn't working, and its supposed to rain in the next few days. Anthony says sure no problem, we'll go to u-pull-it. She asks "How much do you need to get one?" Anthony like a dumbass says "Oh, $10 should be enough." so she hands him a 10spot and we head off. It costs $15 just to go onto the u-pull-it lot.

Driving on our way to the skate park, Anthony does his usual stuff, speeding, swerving around, handbrake turns, driving like a general jackass. We drive past a highschool which is just getting out, traffic is fairly slow, so Andre in the passanger seat opens up the door and hangs out on it, waving to the people i suppose. We pass and bitch at him for making the car so damn cold again.

More speeding and ebrake turns, which is all good fun, except when you're on bald tires on a cold road....We smash into a curb, bending the front right wheel and getting a flat. We leave the car there and unload the bikes to continue our trip, what luck that we have an alternate mode of transport!

as we ride past a used car lot, Andre spies another festiva, with 4 fully functional wheels and tires. We go over there and Andre asks the owner if he has any spare wheels for a Ford Festiva, to which he replies "Not for you spic! get off my lot"

We have a mission.

Return to the Festiva, obtain a 4way and jack. Set forth to retrieve our spare tire!

At this time I'm laughing my ass off, you want to steal a tire off a car in a lot thats open? Riiight... Andre isn't laughing, he has that look in his eye where you just know play time is over.

About this time some old guy comes out and starts yelling about how we can't park there. We point out that the car is broken, but regardless, he will call the cops if we dont move our god damn ricer piece of shit! Police would interfere with our mission, and as such, Bronson and Anthony got in and drove the car on a flat about a mile to a McDonalds drive thru, got food (spending our gasmoney), and then went to meet us at a safe location.

Meanwhile, Andre and I were completing our mission.

The target was in a relitively well shielded location, the edge of the lot, behind a mini van, so we were pretty well out of view of the main desk. We rode our bikes up quietly set them down facing away from the car, and began our task. Jacked up the car, started taking the wheel off...well..trying it...the piece of shit was rusted on...fuck...so we kick and beat on the wrench to get it undone, all in all it took about 15minutes to get the thing off, and we made a good bit of noise, oddly enough, people driving/walking by never even questioned us taking a wheel off a car in a car lot....

We get up and prepare to depart with our prize, I go first with the wheel, while Andre removes the jack from under the car. Letting it smash down onto the pavement, what fun! We ride down the street with our new tire, feeling good that we've done our bit of justice for the day, that old racist prick deserved it, right? Oh, yes he did.

Andre and I meet the rest of the group at the mini ramp, and see them sitting around and eating McDonalds. "Wheres ours?" asks Andre "We couldnt make it to Taco Bell, so we didn't think you'd want any" Replied Anthony. I laughed, it was funny.

He throws down the tire and tells them to fix thier own damn car.

We go and ride the miniramp for a while as they put on the new tire.....

Since our little detour into the curb has sprang a series of events that took up most the day, its about midnight, and we need to start heading back. It's a school night afterall.

As we drove back, we saw another Festiva parked infront of an apartment building.
"Oh shit!" exclaimed Bronson, "We forgot to get a windshield whiper!"

We pulled over, and Andre checked the toolbox, testing the fit of the wrenches on the windshield whiper on the car, once he found the right ones, we loaded back in, and drove by that festiva again. We slowed down by it, Andre jumps out, and before we're even pulling away, he's on top that whiper like a fly on garbage.

We stop about a block down the street, where I unload my bike to ride home. Before I've even got it out of the car, Andre comes running downthe street at full sprint, windshield whiper in one hand, 3 really big guys chasing him. He jumps into the car and they take off. I take off on my bike and go around the block...my curiosity leads me to return to the scene of the crime to see whats going on.

It didn't really occur to me how funny it was untill later...

He stole a windshield whiper, off a Ford Festiva.


Pointless? Yes, Stupid? Definately. Fun? Most certainly!

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Post by seajayjay » Mon Feb 06, 2006 2:48 am

Those things are usaly a brezz when comes to taking tires off with an impact too bad you didn't have an electric portable impact. oh mexicans are supposed to be really good at stealing rims. : )

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Hellmark
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Post by Hellmark » Mon Feb 06, 2006 5:11 am

Ahh, good times. And where are you that there are so many festivas around? There aint any around these parts.

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Post by MP81 » Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:40 pm

Haha! Ford Festiva! HAHA!
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Post by Venomous » Wed Feb 08, 2006 12:18 am

Hahah, that's fucking classic. Ripping off two Festivas in one day. I wonder if the cops got their auto crimes division out looking for a ring of hot Festiva part dealers. =P
Hellmark wrote:Ahh, good times. And where are you that there are so many festivas around? There aint any around these parts.
Dude, you live in Buttfuck Nowhere. The only vehicles that are common near your place are tractors and combine harvesters! >=D
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Post by Hero of the Day » Wed Feb 08, 2006 12:35 am

AB lives in bumfuck nowhere also
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Post by AlarmedBread » Fri Feb 10, 2006 12:44 am

psh, i live in a city of 500,000, and thats not counting all the illegal imigrants!

there will probably be more dumb shit happening this weekend, i'll keep you updated :)

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Post by Venomous » Fri Feb 10, 2006 12:47 am

In Hellmark's "town" (and by town, I mean just a 200 mile radius around his house!), the only thing there's 500,000 or more of is sheep. Oh, and probably chickens. =P
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Hellmark
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Post by Hellmark » Fri Feb 10, 2006 9:32 am

Missouri aint really sheep country. Its mostly planted stuff in these parts.

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Re: Gas money Vs. Windshield whiper

Post by Venomous » Fri Feb 10, 2006 9:50 pm

Oh, I just remembered, something important about this thread that I wanted to say right from the get-go but totally forgot to when I replied:-
AlarmedBread wrote:*note if you are offended by racial slurs (aka. humour) then stop reading now. We talk shit about eachother for no good reason.
This above disclaimer applies to the whole damn site, literally and in it's entirety. If this post (AB's thread starter) offended you in any way at all, you shouldn't even be reading this whole SITE. If you're easily upset, Social Deviancy is NOT for you! =D
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Post by StoneColdDano » Sat Feb 11, 2006 6:51 pm

Get this man a nobel prize!!! Well written, and unlike some of our members...*cough* *cough* JJ *cough*....conherently understandable.



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Post by Venomous » Sat Feb 11, 2006 8:28 pm

Yeah, bring on the Man Sandwich!! Uhh.. {coughs} I mean Bread-Man!!

Dano, what does "conherently understandable" mean? =P

It cracks me up when people take a slam at CJJ and somehow ass it up themselves... it's like he has an evil shield around him so that every time you insult him, you become more like him. =P
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Post by Mythic » Mon May 01, 2006 7:23 pm

One day at work, Jan had her mustang wheels stolen off of her mustang. What was so funny was there were two women sitting in the parking lot that watched the whole thing happen and never thought a thing about it. The wheel thieves knew they were there, yet kept right on with their mission. Apparently, steeling wheeles/rims in broad daylight is a good idea. Most people just assume you are repairing a vehicle instead of stealing! The two women that saw it claimed they thought Jan had a flat and had someone come over and fix it. They had taken all 4 wheels off of her car and it was sitting on blocks when she got to it! My question: what need would Jan have had to have 2 guys come and take every wheel off of her car and prop it up on blocks?
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Post by Hero of the Day » Mon May 01, 2006 11:13 pm

Kristi wrote: My question: what need would Jan have had to have 2 guys come and take every wheel off of her car and prop it up on blocks?
I would have thought you would have figured it out by now.
The truth is the vast majority of people dont give a shit if it dont affect them.
I can attest to numerous instances of shit like that happening

oh and btw on the subject of auto theft/vandalism: sometime ago my neighbor across the street had his truck (nice F250 diesel) fucked over good, windows smashed, locks fucked the whole bit. Then he hadnt even had it back for a month, when he came knocking on my door asking if I had seen it when I went to work in the morning (initially I was like WTF) someone stole it right out his driveway during the night, they hooked it up to a wrecker (tow truck) and drove off. The truck was never found (sold for parts no doubt)
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Post by Venomous » Mon May 01, 2006 11:39 pm

Kristi wrote:Apparently, steeling wheeles/rims in broad daylight is a good idea. Most people just assume you are repairing a vehicle instead of stealing!
"steeling wheeles", eh CJJ? Double points for you. =P
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