The First Quad-Annual Social Deviancy Devie Awards!!

Do you linger on my every word like a lovesick schoolgirl? Or would you like to take a rusty ice pick to my jugular to make me shut the hell up? For, or against? Point, counterpoint? Discuss.

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The First Quad-Annual Social Deviancy Devie Awards!!

Post by Venomous » Mon Jan 30, 2006 1:44 pm

Welcome one and all to the first quad-annual Social Deviancy Devie Awards. Kind of like the Emmy's or the Grammy's, the Devie's are held to celebrate those that make this industry - the industry of posting pointless crap on the internet - the success that it is today!!

The following awards, even though it's late January now, are the awards for the Fourth Quarter of 2005. This is because, quite simply, I only just thought of the idea but figured it was stupid to do them quarterly one month out of synch, so y'all can just pretend it's Xmas again, mmmkay?

Now, without further ado, here are our category winners for this quarter:-

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The best of websites is worthless without visitors. If a tree falls in the woods, but nobody is there to hear it, does it actually make a sound?

In the fourth quarter of 2005, our traffic statistics reports show that a total of 44 unique hits were referred to Social Deviancy by http://forums.consumptionjunction.com/s ... hp?t=48392 - a forum post on Consumption Junction created by Hero of the Day. This referrer was, in fact, the highest referring single URL to Social Deviancy in the fourth quarter of 2005.

Now, I know Hero did this purely to help improve the community here, and did not want nor expect any recognition for his simple act, but I still felt this couldn't go unmentioned. Even though this extra traffic actualy earned us nothing but a host of unsuccessful spambot signups that were soon after deleted, and no actual new members, it's the effort that counts - every new visitor to SocDev is a visitor touched by our presence, who just might mention the site to somebody else someday, and broaden our reach.

So, Hero, I know you weren't in it for the glory man, but thanks for the effort - we need all the hits we can get! =)


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<div align="right">But hey, all the users in the world don't help a forum if everybody just sits there silently, do they? Forum posts - from the enlightening to the inane - give a community content, and content begets more content. A good forum is like a rolling snowball - the more snow it gathers, the faster it rolls, the bigger it gets, and the more snow it gathers.

Now, granted, nobody likes a spammer, but there's a fine line between an active forum participant, and being a trolling pest. MP81 walks that fine line - occasionally with one foot on the spamming assclown side, granted, but when a web forum is fledgling or slow-growing, almost ANY posts are good posts, and many posts are great posts.

With a total of 196 posts - that's 11.9% of all posts on this entire forum - whether we like it or not, Jailbait has become an institution at SocDev. When I first met him on SR3, I never thought I'd see the day, but I have to admit, the little bastard has made himself a valuable member of this site.

(Special note: Also, the "Close, but no cigar!" award goes to Hellmark, who tied neck and neck for postcount with MP81 for most of the quarter. I'm glad Hellmark didn't win though. Somehow it would feel more wrong giving that award to him... =D)</div>


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What can I say about Hellmark? This guy has been known to refer to himself as "socially retarded", and "pissed off gimp farmboy" on more than one occasion. Others have referred to him as everything from "geek" to "asshole".

But along the way, there are some things nobody's ever called Hellmark. "Stud". "Lover". "Lady's Man". "Thrusting Muscle of Love". This is because, for more than two decades, poor Hellmark has been, in fact, a virgin. And not just any virgin either: a Terminal Virgin.

Many factors about our dear friend's lifestyle, geographic location, personality, physical appearance, sick, twisted perversions, and other factors have intermeshed in this man to create a kind of person for whom the sexual odds are stacked against. In fact, we here at SocDev HQ have had a running office pool where our staff place bets on what decade he'll lose his virginity on, or take the safe 2:1 bet that he'd just die a virgin. Even a couple of the gals from reception and the reclusive weirdo from accounting put a couple of bucks in. And those that didn't play the safe money, were betting on him cracking and getting a hooker for his 50th birthday.

Well, I'm proud to be the first one to announce publically on the World Wide Web, that everybody loses and the house takes all bets (it goes towards the hosting fees!), because just the other day, and listen close my friends, because I tell you no lie: HELLMARK GOT LAID.

It's true! And before you ask, NO, it was NOT with a farm animal, nor with a man on a dare. It was with a WOMAN - and dare I be so bold as to say, a woman who is not ugly, fat, clinically insane, frigid, disfigured, or otherwise severely subpar! That's right, despite the heavily stacked odds, Hellmark is now dating a nice, real, normal human girl!

So, this award's for you dude. We're all going to have to find something else to joke about now, because your days of being a desperate loser doomed to die a virgin are over forever. Life only gets better from here. Cheers, buddy! =D

(And before anybody comments, YES, this happened in January 2006, and not technically the fourth quarter of 2005, but do I look like I care about such technicalitites? =P)


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<div align="right">Let me tell you all a story. Once, when I was just a young lad, I had a friend. {crowd gasps!} And this friend, whilst I, and all other males I knew had always considered him to be an idiot, a moron, an asshole, a fool, a jerk, and a scrawny, ugly little prick of a kid to boot, he always seemed to attract the girls that normally wouldn't give guys like us a second glare. The more of a total fuckhole this guy acted, the hotter the chicks were that would fall over him. It was truly a natural phenomenon at work.

Anyways, one day, myself and this friend were sort of "unofficially double-dating", if you like, two young girls, at my house. And by "unofficially double-dating", I mean we invited the girls over for some sex. Now, this friend, he somehow managed to totally screw things up with his girl, who stormed out in a huff, and while I was out trying to console her and find out what was upsetting her, this "friend" put the moves on my date instead. So, completely disgusted, I threw him out of my house, at 4am, in the rain, to ride his pushbike home in the dark and think about what a fucking jackass he was.

We never spoke a civil word to oneanother again. A couple of times we passed eachother in public and always exchanged blows, but eventually we just grew up and faded apart. It's possible though, that if we bumped into eachother today, nearly ten years later, the scrawny little runt might still try to take a swing. But I digress...

Many of of us have had such a friend. The guy who, while against all odds seems to be able to have any chick he wants, always seems to perpetually not only rub it in our faces, but also screw things up for our own romantic and/or sexual endeavours in the process.

As we all know, StreetRodRacer has one such friend. So this, this is not just an award of open arms, but a commendation of patience. SRR, for not kicking Andy out of your house, for not ramming your fist down his damn throat, for have the saintly patience and godlike restraint to stop yourself from putting his face on a concrete curb and stomping on the back of his fucking head, I salute you, and welcome you to our fold. Your "friends" in real life may be fucking assholes man, but your friends here at SocDev will always have your back.

(If the authorities investigating Andy's death are reading this text however, I'd like to note that I have a good alibi for that night - I was living on a different continent on the other side of the world, detective.)</div>


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(If you're a regular here, you already know where this is going, right? =P)

If you've ever been sitting in the chat room trying to decipher a sentence like "hay i sein wen gellus wit ten mochss LOL"... if you've ever watched somebody have a ten minute dialog with himself where not ONE WORD makes any sense and you know everybody in the chat is just staring at their screen, shaking their heads... if you've ever fallen off your chair laughing at the statement "actully im relly smart genius in fact jusst cant never b botherered wit engish nd spulling an stuffs"... if any of this rings a bell to you, then you've had the pleasure and pain of meeting cdoublejj.

Sometimes a highly entertaining comedian (we're laughing AT you, not WITH you), other times just a flat out pain in the ass (when are they going to invent being able to kick somebody in the balls via the internet??), cdoublejj has this phenomenal talent of not being able to have a single chat session, or post a single forum post, without somebody (and, more often than not, everybody) feeling the ache of an unsatisifed urge to punch him in the face until he is dead.

And if you think that kind of violence is uncalled for or extreme, then welcome to the site, new reader, but you've never yet tried to have a "conversation" with cdoublejj!

So, what else can I say. I don't know how you do it boy, but it's a gift. Wear a hockey mask and a protective cup in public, and you should get by in life just fine. Just don't try and begin a career as a writer, journalist, magazine columnist, anything that requires a college degree, anything that involves using a computer or the English language, or any job where you need to actually speak, and you'll really go places, genius. =)

Oh, and along with this certificate and my congratulations on winning a Devie Award, I'd like to give you some free site promotion: everybody, click here to visit CJJ's homepage. Really, once you get past the popups, the Javascript ads, the glaringly disgusting backgrounds, the painful color scheme, the broken links, the abominable spelling and grammar, and the fact that the site seems to serve no actual function or purpose whatsoever, it's actually a really great site! In fact, it's so great that I think it's deserves an award all of it's own! But I've had enough image manipulation for one day. =)


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<div align="right">And last, but certainly not least, what may be the most important, and serious, Devie Award being given here today.

This, friends, is the prestigious "This Guy Truly Actually Gets It" Award.

Maybe it's because he hasn't been laid in even longer than I haven't. Maybe it's because by day, he has to put up with a shit-kicking job flipping burgers at his local Mickey D's. Maybe the injustice of a government that is slowly eating away at our constitutional rights just pisses him off.

Whatever the reason may be, admist all the other whiny boardspam about computer problems and television and girl trouble and the internet and boobies that profilerates on this shithole of a site, Hero of the Day has been the only one to truly - though probably unintentionally - actually capture the spirit of some of what Social Deviancy was supposed to be about, in his posts. From his ranting article "What is wrong with the world today?", to his opinionated (and, in my opinion, damn fucking poignant!) posts about overzealous censorship policies and governmental privacy invasion, Hero says the things I'm always thinking but am too lazy and apathetic to post. So I want all you other fuckers to pull your heads out of your asses for a day or two, and read these threads again, and think to yourself, "Wait a minute... why didn't this topic bother me enough to throw my two cents worth in?". And then you can go back to posting random crap about your boring lives if you want to. But this guy - this angry, tense, testy little man - he actually fucking gets it. So kudos to you, Hero. You and I may have our clashes, but that's just because we're a little too much alike. >=)</div>


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And that concludes the First Quad-Annual Devie Awards for the Fourth Quarter of 2005. If I can be bothered making up awards again at the end of March, stay tuned for the Second Quad-Annual Devie Awards then. Until then, winners, show your certificates with pride. Post them on your websites, print them and frame them on your mantelpiece, put them in your memories chest to show your grandchildren someday. You are the elite, people. You are celebrities! You are Devie Award winners...
- Venomous -

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Post by MP81 » Mon Jan 30, 2006 11:32 pm

Yay!

KEITH! NICE WORK MAN!

I CONGRADULATE YOU...



I better not have to wait that long...

That would suck...
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Post by Hero of the Day » Tue Jan 31, 2006 7:09 pm

Well I dont really have a prepared speech since this was unexpected
first off congrats to keith

secondly thanks to karl for his hours of tedious photochopping to make these awards.

Third I will post something again when I have some time

Fourth I will put out my superbowl prediction later in the week (gotta see a late week injury list)
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Post by Hellmark » Tue Jan 31, 2006 7:51 pm

I will have my superbowl predictions now.

A team will win, in between funny commercials, and after throwing a ball around.

Thanks for the award Karl, Karen actually thought it was funny.

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Post by Supernovae » Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:08 pm

It has always been my dream to win an award.

But alas young SRR was never a natural actor nor good enough to be recognized as adequate. He was never talented enough to direct except when looking through double-pane glass. SRR was never one with words often fumbling out simple phrases, then realizing the simple fact that he is stronger in Math than English. He was never a good makeup artist, grip, producer, lighting technition, editor, stage designer, storyboard animator. But I think you are getting the picture.

But that didn't make him different. For young SRR, he was perfectly contempt turning on a PC or a console system and spending countless hours enjoying the hard work of a programmer, video game artist and a great story.

That dedication has led him to expand his mind to join the world of millions. From there he learned of an ancient game (ancient by todays standard of gaming excellence.) But his heart was filled with cheer as he also found out the flame of ancient's past was being continued by hard working individuals whose efforts were slowly being recognized as something great. Magic waiting to happen. SRR met several wonderful members of this community he called home.

While the world of millions treated him very nicely, his homelife was staggering. He felt true to the ones whom were by his side despite the thousands and tens of thousands of miles away. And to those only an earshot away fell on deaf ears. Locked in a house with a PC and a connection he managed to pull himself from the wreckage let his inner mind free.

For all the hours spent putting my vexatious mind at ease. I thank those who have helped. You are true friends. Stand proud, Stand tall.

I salute you.

Thankyou!
A deviant mind at rest has no function here.

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Post by Venomous » Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:23 pm

MP81 wrote:Yay!
KEITH! NICE WORK MAN!
I CONGRADULATE YOU...
I better not have to wait that long...
That would suck...
Bwaahahahahahah.... BURRRN... disguised as a congrats... =P
Hero of the Day wrote:secondly thanks to karl for his hours of tedious photochopping to make these awards.
Is it my priviledge to serve, effendi...
Hero of the Day wrote:Third I will post something again when I have some time
I hope you mean that not in a "Dano's going to post his pic when he has time" kind of way... =D
Hero of the Day wrote:Fourth I will put out my superbowl prediction later in the week (gotta see a late week injury list)
Hang on to your hats, sports fans! =D (Do me a favor though - start a new thread for the predictions when the time comes. I know I don't crack down on staying on topic much around here, but I try to encourage it when I can! =P)
Hellmark wrote:I will have my superbowl predictions now.
A team will win, in between funny commercials, and after throwing a ball around.
What if it's a tie? And what if the commercials aren't actually funny? =P
Hellmark wrote:Thanks for the award Karl, Karen actually thought it was funny.
Did you show her just the award itself, or the actual post, with the speech and all? I was actually wondering whether or not you'd show her - I predicted good odds that you would have, though. Nice to be right again. =)
StreetRodRacer wrote:But that didn't make him different. For young SRR, he was perfectly contempt turning on a PC or a console system and spending countless hours enjoying the hard work of a programmer, video game artist and a great story.
Perfectly contempt? {smirks} No, perfect contempt is what I have for CJJ's lax attempts at English communication. I think you were perfectly CONTENT. =D
StreetRodRacer wrote:That dedication has led him to expand his mind to join the world of millions. From there he learned of an ancient game (ancient by todays standard of gaming excellence.) But his heart was filled with cheer as he also found out the flame of ancient's past was being continued by hard working individuals whose efforts were slowly being recognized as something great. Magic waiting to happen. SRR met several wonderful members of this community he called home.
{taps the location bar on his browser} Wait a minute, did I accidentally flip over to SR3 here? Or have some of you fuckers been making a game here on SocDev too without telling me, huh?? HUH?? =P
StreetRodRacer wrote:While the world of millions treated him very nicely, his homelife was staggering. He felt true to the ones whom were by his side despite the thousands and tens of thousands of miles away. And to those only an earshot away fell on deaf ears. Locked in a house with a PC and a connection he managed to pull himself from the wreckage let his inner mind free.
It's also very useful for obtaining hardcore pornography!
StreetRodRacer wrote:For all the hours spent putting my vexatious mind at ease. I thank those who have helped. You are true friends. Stand proud, Stand tall. I salute you. Thankyou!
{puts his fist to his heart with pride}

Dude, when I get elected as Emperor of the World, and giving my inauguration speech to my loyal subjects (and of course by "elected", I mean "conquered the Earth by force and cunning and announced myself as despotic overlord", and by "loyal subjects", I mean "defeated and cowed planet of miserable slaves"!), I want you to write that speech!! =D
- Venomous -

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Post by Supernovae » Thu Feb 02, 2006 5:29 am

Venomous wrote:
StreetRodRacer wrote:That dedication has led him to expand his mind to join the world of millions. From there he learned of an ancient game (ancient by todays standard of gaming excellence.) But his heart was filled with cheer as he also found out the flame of ancient's past was being continued by hard working individuals whose efforts were slowly being recognized as something great. Magic waiting to happen. SRR met several wonderful members of this community he called home.
{taps the location bar on his browser} Wait a minute, did I accidentally flip over to SR3 here? Or have some of you fuckers been making a game here on SocDev too without telling me, huh?? HUH?? =P
I only mentioned SR3 as a way to show how I met everyone..
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Post by StoneColdDano » Sat Feb 11, 2006 6:55 pm

I'm gonna be the U2 of next quarter's awards bitches...
Kiss my ass...

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Post by Venomous » Sat Feb 11, 2006 8:30 pm

It's true, he is.

Uhhh I mean, I'm sure he probably will be! Because, y'know, these things aren't rigged or anything, so even I don't know for sure! Of course! Heh.. uh... {hastily hides the images for next quarter's awards in with his porn collection}.. heh..
- Venomous -

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Post by Hellmark » Mon Feb 13, 2006 6:39 pm

You know they're gonna see it then!

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