2005 in Review (aka. Why Venomous Is So Cynical)

Do you linger on my every word like a lovesick schoolgirl? Or would you like to take a rusty ice pick to my jugular to make me shut the hell up? For, or against? Point, counterpoint? Discuss.

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2005 in Review (aka. Why Venomous Is So Cynical)

Post by Venomous » Mon Jan 02, 2006 7:21 am

<a href="http://www.socialdeviancy.com/cgi-bin/v ... .jpg"><img src="http://www.socialdeviancy.com/gfx/thumbs/outoftouch.jpg" width="145" height="120" border="0" align="left"></a>Well, what do you know. Another year down the crapper.

For me, 2005 was the year where I truly feel I have left the last vestiges of my young life behind, and truly begun the process of becoming "old"...

In browsing through info about the internet in 2005, Kristi came across these statistics: AOL Search Year in Review - Highlighting 2005's Top Searches by Category. Reading this simple page brought me to some scary conclusions about my life.

For example, under the category People Under 21, I've never even heard of almost half those people. Of the ones I have heard of, it's only because they're hot young girls I've seen on TV once or twice, and somewhere along the way my subconscious made a mental note of their names. Besides their physical attributes, I couldn't tell you a single useful fact about a single one of them.

By contrast, in the People Over 40, I recognize every single name, and most of them I consider to be celebrities of "my generation", and certainly not by any means "old"! Half of them, I had no idea they were even over 40!

Under Athletes, the only name I recognize is Anna Kournikova, but I attribute that more to the fact that I have absolutely nil interest in sports, rather than a generation gap thing. =)

In the Bands category, I've heard *of* most of the band names listed there, but couldn't claim to have heard more than maybe one song from perhaps half the bands on the list. The only band there I'm more than passingly familiar with is Green Day, and that's only because when I was a teenager, they didn't used to suck.

Worse, in Songs, the writers of this page could have made 90% of those up on the spot and could've fooled me. I've only ever heard ONE of those songs in my life, and that only because I saw it on a ringtone commerical. The rest, I have not only never heard, I have never even heard of...

Of the top ten Movies, I have seen Fantastic Four, Constantine, and, grudgingly, Lord of the Rings. The rest I have heard of, but probably won't see until they're weekly DVD rentals.

In TV Shows, while it's hard not to have heard the names, the only show in that list besides the news programs, that I personally feel doesn't bite huge loads of ass, is Lost. The rest are a miserable crock of crap and could be axed tomorrow without anything more than a satisfied smirk being elicited from yours truly.

From the Gadgets list, I own a cell phone and a couple of laptops. Half the rest of the things on that list I've never even heard of, the other half I don't care to ever own.

Don't even get me started on Fashion Brands. If the everpresent Nike weren't in the list, that whole category would be a write-off for me. And that's as far as having ever heard of them - as for owning them, I'm 0 for 10.

In Fashion Trends, however, I made out a little better - I'm proud to say I own several of the #1 most searched for fashion trend on AOL in 2005 - t-shirts! However, unless my nondescript threads from the 90's counts as "Vintage Clothing", that's as far as I go there.

And as for the last two categories on the page, well, what can I say. I'm so out of touch with today's modern world, that I don't even know why Denim and Diets have their own categories to begin with! 'Nuff said.

But enough about how out of touch with today's world I am by AOL's reckoning. Let me give you some personal statistics about my 2005:-

Due for the most part to my ever-worsening health, in 2005 I was able to get drunk/inebriated by alcohol a total of 0 times. Furthermore, I was high/stoned/under the influence of recreational drugs a total of 0 times. My cigarette smoking, and also my eating of "junk food" (namely McDonalds, Burger King, KFC, etc.) dwindled rapidly from the beginning of 2005, to the point where within the last quarter of the year, I was smoking 0 cigarettes a week, and eating fast food 0 times a week.

Despite my dwindling drinking, smoking, and recreational drug using habits over the past few years, 2005 was the year in which all three ground completely - and, with a fair likelihood, possibly permanently - to a halt. At the end of 2005, I was forced to grudgingly concede that I am technically now officially a non-smoker, a non-drinker, and a non-recreational drug user. Combined with my cessation of junk food eating, I almost feel that I should be changing my nick to xVenomousx and becoming a vegan and going to peace rallies. (If anybody sees or hears of me doing this, please euthanize me immediately!)

My social life fared no better. During the year of 2005, I visited 0 bars, 0 nightclubs, 0 raves, and attended 0 house parties, 0 birthday parties, 0 beach parties, and a cumulative total of 0 total miscellaneous group social events.

During 2005, I had sexual intercourse a total of 0 times. This represents a total of 0% of my lifetime total sexual intercourse, a new record low. My sexual intercourse this year was performed with a total of 0 different partners out of the 7 I have been with throughout my life. This, again, represents a grand total of 0% of my total sexual partners. In other details, I received 0 sessions of oral sex, 0 sessions of groping/fondling, and kissed 0 people on the mouth. The total number of people I had engaged in any kind of sexual contact with prior to Jan 1st 2005 was 27, so again, 2005 reflected a portion of 0% of my total life's sexual activity.

On a non-sexual note, I engaged in a total of 0 romantic relationships, met and became friends with a total of 0 new people (and before anybody gets pissy, I am excluding "internet friends" from this category!), travelled to 0 new places I'd never been to before, and did approximately 0 new and interesting things that I'd never tried before.

I rang in the New Year sitting at my buddy's place, sober and more than a little queasy, listening to Pearl Jam - Alive. Half an hour later I was home, watching reruns of first season That 70's Show and NCIS, and I was fast asleep by 2am. Beyond a doubt, the least eventful New Year's Eve of my life so far. My very first words of 2006 were "Hey man, do you have any QuickEze?".

One relatively small upside, is that my work life took a turn for the better in 2005. In addition to finally relaunching Social Deviancy after several years offline, I've also finally put the wheels in motion on many small web projects, and begun taking my first serious steps towards the larger projects I've had on the drawing board for some time now. While 2005 was financially a relatively piss-poor year, I did lay a lot of the groundwork for future years' business being much more beneficial than in the past. So, to be fair, the year wasn't a completely and total waste of time. =)

So there you have it. If any of you dear readers were wondering why I'm so cynical, why I'm so old-fashioned, why I turn nasty at the mention of pop music or teenage culture or console gaming or today's entertainment/media industry, now you know why. It's because somewhere along the way in my life, I went to bed one night and woke up a cranky old man.

Though I'll say one thing, to all you folks out there who teenage years are dwindling or have dwindled away, and you've never been drunk or stoned or smoked a cigarette or had sex or done anything fun in your young lives - GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND LIVE!!! Before you know it, you'll be closer to 30 than 20, your teenage years long behind you, and your body begins that slow but inevitable descent past adulthood and into senior citizenhood, and one day you'll wake up and you'll realise you're pushing 60 and still a virgin who never knew what it felt like to go to some crazy party and get totally shitfaced and screw some bimbo you'd never met before just because you could, because you were young once and you pissed it all away....

2005 may have proved that my own life is in a decline right now, but at least I'll always have my memories and my stories. Those of you who are my age, or even older, and don't even have that much, had better really start reassessing their lives right about now...
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Post by Hero of the Day » Mon Jan 02, 2006 6:30 pm

ok on most of the shit I am with you. I only knew a few singers and one or two of the songs. Most of this came due it being a hot female and their being in maxim or stuff magazine with very little in the way of clothing.

have heard of alot of the other stuff and brands also. Cant say I know shit about it but I am familiar with the name.

This year I figure I'll start working out again , eat right, cut back on the pepsi/coke. Get assignments done early etc (fuck I am getting old)

SO venomous good luck with your business ventures and hopefully 2006 treats you better (buy yourself a hooker as a late christmas present)

EDIT: dont forget to drink some. Just once this year celebrate national 40 oz day (40 th day of 2006 aka feb 9)
http://www.40ozday.com/
cause youre never to old to relapse

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Post by MP81 » Wed Jan 04, 2006 2:34 pm

Karl, you are so right...

I care nothing about new bands...old school for me!
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Post by Supernovae » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:56 pm

Looking over that 2005 year in review I recognize a sizeable portion of the names, bands, movies etc. And it's not because I sit and watch movie after movie after movie and I don't turn on MTV just to keep a mental note for the next up and coming rapper or teenie bopper (aka Cookie Cutter 1-hit wonder).

There are several items on those lists that I can recognize the names, know something about them and (for the song list) I can recall the jingle in my head. The lists that really hurt me are the ones relating to fashion and diets.

Does that make me better in any sense of the word "better" - HELL NO.

I attribute most of that knowledge from working with college girls as their supervisor in the mail/copy center. And before any of you think I am some preverted 58 year old - I should remind you that I am 23. I am only their supervisor because I took a Graduate Assistant Position at the school. Part of my job was to train them and manage their mail route assignments.

I also attribute my knowledge from my younger sister who constantly plays 1/2 of those songs under the "song list"

Anyways - I say we continue to prosper and grow in 2006! Good Luck to everyone and best wishes to each endeavor we take.
Last edited by Supernovae on Wed Jan 04, 2006 8:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by MP81 » Wed Jan 04, 2006 8:42 pm

Well, I know the names of people under 21 because I happen to watch TV, and even the slightest watching of the magical tube will put these names into your head...

Lindsay Lohan - Did you know she just admitted to having bulimia and admitted to taking drugs? Her latest "Health Scare" (Scare? More like Hilariously funny event) was her failuring of breathing some place...landed her in the hospital... That's what happen to sluts.

Jesse McCartney - Isn't he gay?

Hilary Duff - Wow, so she went from Disney to "incredible singer" in 5 seconds?

Ashlee Simpson - HAHA! She messed up on SNL!

Bow Wow - Bow Bow, does he speak English, or only Dog? I told them animal rappers won't work...

Avril Lavigne - Her last name looks like lasagna, haha!

Keira Knightley - I know her! She's from Pirates of the Carribean! Then she did that retarded soccer movie...

Mary-Kate & Ashley - Haha, one was anemic, I'm certain the other will follow suit soon.
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Post by Venomous » Thu Jan 05, 2006 2:56 am

Hero of the Day wrote:ok on most of the shit I am with you. I only knew a few singers and one or two of the songs. Most of this came due it being a hot female and their being in maxim or stuff magazine with very little in the way of clothing.
Yeah, that's pretty much what I meant by the only reason I'd heard of the under 21's that I did know about...
Hero of the Day wrote:This year I figure I'll start working out again , eat right, cut back on the pepsi/coke. Get assignments done early etc (fuck I am getting old)
I went off cola drinks years ago. Started going to the gym towards the end of 2005, then fucked my back something spectacular, now it might be a couple of weeks at least until I can go again. Yay. =|
Hero of the Day wrote:SO venomous good luck with your business ventures and hopefully 2006 treats you better (buy yourself a hooker as a late christmas present)
More like an early birthday present (mid-year), I think. If I get any older without getting back on the horse (and that's a FIGURE OF SPEECH, you perverts!!), then I seriously think I'll just start paying for it...
Hero of the Day wrote:EDIT: dont forget to drink some. Just once this year celebrate national 40 oz day (40 th day of 2006 aka feb 9)
http://www.40ozday.com/
cause youre never to old to relapse
I was gonna say, okay, that would probably kill me in my state, but when I read that fantastic site, and realised that it's not about what you drink, or how fast you you drink it, only that you drink with pride a 40oz. bottle of something alcoholic, wrapped in the traditional brown paper bag, in a public place that counts, I thought to myself "Hell, I'm in!". Now somebody is just gonna have to remind me when Feb 9th is! =P
MP81 wrote:I care nothing about new bands...old school for me!
Yeah, I figured you of all people would appreciate the logo I did for this entry, yeah? =)
Streetrodracer wrote:I attribute most of that knowledge from working with college girls as their supervisor in the mail/copy center. And before any of you think I am some preverted 58 year old - I should remind you that I am 23. I am only their supervisor because I took a Graduate Assistant Position at the school. Part of my job was to train them and manage their mail route assignments.
Mmmm, college girls... =P~

Don't worry dude, I never thought you were a perverted 58 year old... I've always know you were just a perverted 23 year old! Man, I want a job training college girls...
Streetrodracer wrote:I also attribute my knowledge from my younger sister who constantly plays 1/2 of those songs under the "song list"
Mmmm, Mike's younger sister... =P~

Man, I want a job trai-.. uhh.. nevermind! >=D
Streetrodracer wrote:Anyways - I say we continue to prosper and grow in 2006! Good Luck to everyone and best wishes to each endeavor we take.
Dude, I think you missed the part about how I didn't prosper at all in 2005! You can't continue something that you hadn't started! But I'll compromise - how about I agree to start prospering in 2006? Would that satisfy your sense of best wishes? =P
MP81 wrote:Well, I know the names of people under 21 because I happen to watch TV, and even the slightest watching of the magical tube will put these names into your head...
Heh, did I tell you guys yet that I don't even have TV anymore? I got so disgusted seeing the same old crap on all the time that I cancelled my cable and used the extra money to upgrade my ADSL instead! And I've never owned a TV set, that's my flatmate's, so yeah, I have no TV! The only TV I watch is old cancelled sydicated shows that I download. =P
MP81 wrote:Lindsay Lohan - Did you know she just admitted to having bulimia and admitted to taking drugs? Her latest "Health Scare" (Scare? More like Hilariously funny event) was her failuring of breathing some place...landed her in the hospital... That's what happen to sluts.
No, it's fairly safe to say I did not know that. The only thing I know about this person is that she was in that movie Mean Girls, which made me want to have some sex with her.
MP81 wrote:Jesse McCartney - Isn't he gay?
That's a dude?? I thought it was a chick, shit.
MP81 wrote:Hilary Duff - Wow, so she went from Disney to "incredible singer" in 5 seconds?
This is fuckin', whatshername... ehmm... Lizzie McGuire, yeah? I always forget which one is her real name and which one is the character's name. "Hilary Duff" actually sounds more likely to be the madeup name!
MP81 wrote:Ashlee Simpson - HAHA! She messed up on SNL!
No idea who this is. Is she hot?
MP81 wrote:Bow Wow - Bow Bow, does he speak English, or only Dog? I told them animal rappers won't work...
No fuckin' idea who this is, but I'm betting two hundred dollars it's a black guy, right? Some fuckin' rapper or something, I'll bet. And looking at the Celebrity Couples list, his bitch is called "Ciara", and she has no surname, and I'll bet money that's a black girl, most likely a pop/R&B singer, right?

Ambrosia brought up a good point the other day, actually... in the 80's/90's, there was this annoying prick of a little kid wannabe rapper called Lil' Bow Wow - PLEASE tell me this is not the same guy, 15 years later??
MP81 wrote:Avril Lavigne - Her last name looks like lasagna, haha!
Hmmm, I'd eat her and go back for seconds! She's quite hot, IMHO. Though I hate the whole "sk8r" culture, shame she had to choose that hook for her shit.
MP81 wrote:Keira Knightley - I know her! She's from Pirates of the Carribean! Then she did that retarded soccer movie...
Yeah, after that retarded soccer movies and a couple of period films, Keria Knightley, though not bad looking, quickly ended up on my blacklist, for "Never see films with these people in them", along with Meg Ryan and Judi Dench.
MP81 wrote:Mary-Kate & Ashley - Haha, one was anemic, I'm certain the other will follow suit soon.
Nah, too clichéd - the other will get something similar but slightly different, otherwise it's not so big a headline if she's just walking in her sister's shadow. Heh, the other sister would probably sue. =P

You know two chicks who are really hot, though? Michelle Trachtenberg (circa Eurotrip, NOT Harriet the Spy, Keith!), and Lacey Chabert... mmmmmmm..... =P~~~~
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Post by Supernovae » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:01 am

@ Karl -

The "continue to prosper and grow in 2006" was meant for everyone... but if you want to START prospering in 2006 then I'm all for it.
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Post by Hellmark » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:42 am

I always kinda liked Michelle Trachtenberg, but thats because she's close to my age, and when I started noticing that kinda stuff, she was starting to come of age as well.

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Post by Venomous » Thu Jan 05, 2006 7:41 am

Hellmark wrote:I always kinda liked Michelle Trachtenberg, but thats because she's close to my age, and when I started noticing that kinda stuff, she was starting to come of age as well.
She's the living epitome of nubile feminine perfection. And that's all I have to say about that. =)
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Post by MP81 » Thu Jan 05, 2006 2:29 pm

Hellmark wrote:I always kinda liked Michelle Trachtenberg, but thats because she's close to my age
And that would make you???
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Post by Hellmark » Thu Jan 05, 2006 7:56 pm

I liked her when she was younger, when I was also younger. I like her as she is now, currently.

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Post by MP81 » Thu Jan 05, 2006 8:21 pm

That ain't what I meant...

I meant that makes you how old?

And not in dog years.
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Post by Hellmark » Wed Jan 11, 2006 4:41 am

21 and she's 20.

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Post by MP81 » Wed Jan 11, 2006 2:37 pm

Eurotrip was two years ago?
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Post by Venomous » Wed Jan 11, 2006 2:53 pm

MP81 wrote:Eurotrip was two years ago?
Michelle Trachtenberg

EuroTrip (2004) .... Jenny

Fuck Jailbait, just fucking Google it next time, dumbass!
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