Holy crap... where do I start??
Well, first of all, kudos SRR, for getting this thread back on topic. You're the man of the hour (even though it was many hours ago that you did this, I only noticed this hour, so this is the hour that you're the man of, okay?).. =P
Now, onto business.
Suicidal Army Man
- I hope it took him hours to make. 'Cause it sold for a buck. Hopefully the shame and disappointment will keep him off eBay now.
Figure 8 Onion Ring
- What can I say, I wouldn't spend 8 cents or 8 seconds of my time to bid on this fucking idiot's auction. I hope this lying idiot gets 8 kinds of plague and is mugged and assraped by 8 crazy homeless people.
Besides, NO order from Burger King comes to exactly $8.00 - I don't think that's even possible - and moreso, I don't know the layout of her local BK drive-thru, but I think it's highly unlikely if not impossible that she could count eight cars waiting ahead of her. Moreso, unless she's obsessive compulsive, why was she making note of the exact time of the drive-thru experience and the exact time she walked in the door afterwards, before she saw the (all too common, absolutely not interesting in any possible way) twisted onion ring?
Unopenable Coke Can
- Okay, MP says he can see the marks where this can was cut, ground, filled and painted, but I can't see shit, and I've got 20/10 vision. What'd you do, open it in Photoshop and zoom to some insane angle to compare pixel shades? Also, SRR, you said this sold for USD$88.00, but I dunno what you're smoking - the auction you linked us to still has six days left, and has one bid for 5 GBP - less than USD$9.00. I think we're trying too hard on this one - I mean, obviously the story's a flagrant lie, but this is far from the lamest item on eBay.
Virgin Mary Pumpkin
- What more can I say? If there's a hell, this dumb fucker is going to burn in it, just like he burned that cheap likeness into the side of that pumpkin. It's in the commandments people, THOU SHALT NOT WORSHIP GRAVEN PUMPKINS
- At least this ass cracker admits that he's an insane idiot, which explains both the existence of the listing, and the sneakily hidden but offensively inflated shipping price. If it weren't for that latter fact, I'd be tempted to snipe this auction at $1.10, give him an email address I never read, but still keep an eye on the frequency of his mail and sue the shit out of him if he breaks contract. I'll never read a word of his idiotic crap, but it'd be funny to force him to email me every week for a buck. What a dickhole.
Fruits of Doom
- Actually, I love this scam. There are so many out there, and all you get for your money is an email with a digital clipart in it, but I've never seen one that didn't have a few bids/buys! This one is a classic moneymaker - it's the buyers that are the idiots, in this case.
The Planet Pluto
- I'm fighting the urge to report this choad to eBay, I can't explain why. This one's no worse than some of the others, but something about it makes me want to get this guy banned. But I want everybody here to have a chance to see what a fucking tool this guy is first, so I'll stay strong-willed.
Romantic Guy for 99,999
- Would you like VD with that? Would you like to supersize your ego for just 99c extra? Would you like to get a life, you ass punching knob jockey
?! I hope karma gets this dickwad, and he spends the rest of his entire pathetic life miserable and alone, jacking off to syndicated reruns of The Golden Girls, and trying to work out which type of microwaved melon feels most like what he thinks a pussy would have felt like inside. To summarize, die loser.
Well, good to see this thread back on track, anyway. eBay is the neverending fount of humor, where idiots abound and there's always somebody way more pathetic than you. =P