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The Best Thing I've Ever Read on the Internet

Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2012 1:59 pm
by Venomous
I saw this posted randomly on Facebook tonight, as a comment by a stranger on a random group I'm not in Like status with. I think it's the Best Thing on the Internet. Enjoy. =)

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A Liberal Muslim homosexual ACLU professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx.. ‘Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!’

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL Champion who had served 1500 tours of duty, and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decisions made by the United States, stood up and held a rock.

‘How old is this rock?’

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and replied, ‘4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian.’

‘Wrong. It’s been 6,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old, and evolution — as you say — is real, then it should be an animal now.’

The professor was visibly shaken, dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species, and stormed out of the room crying liberal crocodile tears.

The students applauded and all registered Republican on that day. An Eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag, shedding a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and Jesus Christ showed up to enact a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all of eternity.

Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 9:17 am
by seajayjay
MURICA!!!!!

Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 11:41 am
by Venomous
Thank you for that intelligent and well thought out contribution cdoublejj. I can see why it took you so long to come up with such a brilliant response.

Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 1:51 am
by seajayjay
<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/IhnUgAaea4M?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:51 pm
by Jackie
I was actually kind of disappointed to read this. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure why non-American people would find it amusing. This is typical American humor. Isn't American humor rated as the worst in the world?

Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2013 10:29 am
by seajayjay
Jackie wrote:I was actually kind of disappointed to read this. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure why non-American people would find it amusing. This is typical American humor. Isn't American humor rated as the worst in the world?
No, you are thinking of average American's intelligence.

Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2013 10:47 am
by Venomous
Okay, so maybe it wasn't exactly the best thing I've ever read on the internet, but I thought it was amusing in a pro-life smug Christian kinda way. It was just SO over the top, I couldn't help but love it. It's like the opposite of something you would write, Jackie. =)

That said, I like American humor. Now British humor, that's fucking terrible.

Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2013 12:38 pm
by Jackie
Interesting... can you give me an example of British humor? If you don't like it, maybe I will.

Posted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 6:30 am
by Venomous
"Oh looky here, I can see your buttocks! Ooohh buttocks! And by jolly, I can also see your twat! Ohh bollocks!! Pip pip!" =P

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 7:28 pm
by Venomous
I know that spirochete is going to have something to say about this... >=P