The Aristocrats

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Chevelle

The Aristocrats

Post by Chevelle » Mon Jan 07, 2008 1:37 am

A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."

The man says, "But this is really special."

The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"

He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I take her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my kids come out and begin to do the same, but my daughter's singing the original To Anacreon in Heaven lyrics while my son performs anal sex on her."

The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man continues, "Just when my daughter hits the highest note in the song, my son and I switch partners. He turns my wife around and gives her a Dirty Sanchez before having her perform oral sex on him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lie down on the stage."

The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part: our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to lick each one of us to orgasm in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow."

He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"

The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"

"The Aristocrats!"


The dirtiest joke ever. Post your own renditions or your favorite. I personally like Gilbert Gottfried's version, but don't feel like finding it.

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seajayjay
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Post by seajayjay » Mon Jan 07, 2008 5:18 am

That seemed more like an incest sex story than a joke.

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TSJ
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Post by TSJ » Tue Jan 08, 2008 6:16 pm

cdoublejj wrote:That seemed more like ...
I'd have to agree with CJJ on that one.

This one is homebrewed and my favorite joke:

A computer is supposed to help us solve our problems,
but most of the time the computers themselves are the problem.

Therefore... a computer MUST be a woman.
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seajayjay
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Post by seajayjay » Wed Jan 09, 2008 8:18 am

Almost sounds like a paradox. :)

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MP81
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Post by MP81 » Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:08 pm

Good one TSJ.

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TSJ
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Post by TSJ » Thu Jan 10, 2008 9:00 pm

MP81 wrote:Good one TSJ.
Thanks :) Women should come with a remote, so that it was possible to
set them in different modes ( sex, house cleaning, take care of children,
kitchen, house maintenance, social and must importantly... off )
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StoneColdDano
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Re: The Aristocrats

Post by StoneColdDano » Tue Jan 15, 2008 2:23 am

Chevelle wrote:A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."

The man says, "But this is really special."

The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"

He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I take her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my kids come out and begin to do the same, but my daughter's singing the original To Anacreon in Heaven lyrics while my son performs anal sex on her."

The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man continues, "Just when my daughter hits the highest note in the song, my son and I switch partners. He turns my wife around and gives her a Dirty Sanchez before having her perform oral sex on him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lie down on the stage."

The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part: our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to lick each one of us to orgasm in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow."

He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"

The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"

"The Aristocrats!"


The dirtiest joke ever. Post your own renditions or your favorite. I personally like Gilbert Gottfried's version, but don't feel like finding it.
Classic...instant classic...
Kiss my ass...

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seajayjay
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Post by seajayjay » Thu Jan 17, 2008 8:49 am

It doesn't surprise me that you would say that. Then again i guess it isn't supposed to be surprising.

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TSJ
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Post by TSJ » Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:09 pm

so, any1 else gots some good jokes or smth? :)
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Venomous
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Post by Venomous » Mon Feb 25, 2008 6:19 am

Did I tell you we had a black out in our street the other day?

Luckily one of my neighbors shot the cunt before he could steal anything.

>=D
- Venomous -

The internet is a tool, and so are most of the people who use it...

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MP81
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Post by MP81 » Mon Feb 25, 2008 8:04 pm

Haha, good one - I actually hadn't heard that before.

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TSJ
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Post by TSJ » Mon Mar 03, 2008 6:53 pm

Venomous wrote:Did I tell you we had a black out in our street the other day?

Luckily one of my neighbors shot the cunt before he could steal anything.

>=D
Hehe >:)

But if you rephrased it slightly, then it could have an extra twist:

Luckily one of my neighbors "shot the cunt" before anything was stolen.
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